Thursday, October 6, 2011

Top 10 reasons to buy a burned Smart ForTwo Passion Cabriolet

Need 10 reasons to buy a burned Smart car? Some guys have all the luck. They plunk down $18,000 for the safety of a microcar designed by Mercedes to impress the ladies (or men if they so desire) and to give eco-conscious co-workers a reason to turn green with envy. Then, bam! A completely toasted Smart car in a (hopefully) limited edition shade of burned exhaust valve turns up at the local wrecker yard. The Smart's street cred is instantly ruined.

  What to do? Wait for some tuner geek to scoop it up for $300 and mod it with a Honda VTEC or pray somebody's paw-paw doesn't turn it into the world's first wood burning Smart-camino Fortwo?

  48,901 US buyers of the Smart ForTwo suddenly have a PR crisis on their hands. Junkyardlife is here to help these metrosexual owners with a top 10 list of reasons to buy a burned Smart car before this reaches Fiero fiasco proportions. 

Burned Smart ForTwo Passion Cabriolet at the wrecking yard.   

2012 Rally Red Smart ForTwo Cabriolet starting at $17,690. Ashtray included.

Drum roll please...
Top 10 reasons to buy a burned Smart ForTwo Passion Cabriolet

10. Smell like barbecue. No more toxic new car smell for you. This microcar has a pungent aroma that will make vegetarians hurl and meat eaters throw steaks on your German gas grill.

9. Better than GPS. Easy to find your burning smart car in the parking lot.

8. 100% topless and bottomless. The Smart's no hassle convertible top was an easy 1-button operation to get some sun on your face. Now, your see-through Smart car is a real eye-opener should you decide to drive in the buff.

7. Better handling. Wind gusts no longer blow the Smart car off the road like a $2 kite.

6. Hypermilers rejoice. It's 600-lbs lighter than an unburned Smart car. That's faster and spells a MPG boost!

5. Treehuggers will unite. Homeless environmentalists will circle burning Smart ForTwos for warmth and as a show of unity.

4. Size matters. Burning Smart cars leave a smaller carbon footprint than a burning H2 Hummer. Save the world, annihilate your Smart car. Kidding.

3. It does have an engine! The burned carcass reveals the Smart's hidden 3-cylinder Mitsubishi engine. Look behind the rear seat and under what was the ever-so-useful cargo area. The engine is there but you really didn't plan to change the oil did you?

2. Impress the ladies or gentlemen if you please. The $18,000 you spent on a Smart ForTwo cabriolet will score points during your speed date Q&A. You could have bought a Hyundai Accent with the same fuel economy but then you would just look like a cheapskate.

1. Truth in advertising. The 'uncar' Smart ForTwo ad campaign is a punch in the face to corporate suits who love to blur the truth. But, buyers beware. This coy warning label from savvy lawyers is cute and yes, it will be used against you should you seek litigation against the Daimler AG regime. 

Do your part. Save the planet. Hide or destroy all burned Smart ForTwos. Smarts handle and perform almost as well as (the sometimes flamable) 1984 Pontiac Fiero. They deserve better than that little economical 2-seater's unfortunate fate. 

– Jody Potter, junkyardlife

Send junkyardlife your photos and story:

Sturdy seat frames remain in this burned Smart ForTwo built by Daimler AG.

The red lump on top of the tire was the tail light.

Every plastic and rubber component on this Smart car melted in a fire of unknown origin (to me).

Can you spot the Smart's dynamic Tridion safety cell?

Smart USA customers rave about the roomy 2-seater.
Why not make it a Barcalounger 1-seater with elbow room?

Side impact door beams will have to suffice since the Smart's 5 airbags went up in smoke. 

The Smart car's 3 cylinder engine sits between the rear tires.

Send junkyardlife your photos and story:

No comments: