Welcome to my Nightmare. I can only liken my drive by the Birmingham, Alabama scrap metal place to those people who continue to go to horror movies despite their inevitable nightmares. I can’t say I enjoy that road, but yet…I continue to travel it even though I know with absolute certainty that I HATE IT!!! No wonder my Grandmother didn’t let me watch gory films. I should have listened.
Meet The Implanter
Tonight’s featured nightmare stars the remains of a 1970 Chevrolet Impala. I did a quick run around before The Scrap Metal Boogie man ran me off. The ghost of this Chevy haunted me for the rest of the week. I have a super power that mentally paints a picture of how these cars looked new before beginning their new life as a Pepsi can. This one was a looker in its day. Behold!
1970 Chevy Impala as it should look in a vintage magazine ad. |
Okay, that isn’t it. That one is a figment of my J.L.I. condition (Junkyard Life Imagination)*–but it sure was at one time!!! Our Implanter was moderately optioned as a full-size Chevy before it retired to a life of botany and yard décor. It was not the cheapest of the upscale Impala line. Adorned in Gobi Beige (Code 50) and what I surmise would have been Rally Wheels due to the remains of one still being on the car. Also, when it had a roof…a tastefully placed black vinyl top must have looked dapper indeed. Power wise, under where the hood used to be was a 350 c.i.d. small block Chevy with an automatic transmission. It also had air conditioning, power brakes and power steering. Someone must have cared about those things (or some of them anyway) because they were gone. Our arch nemesis The Scrap Metal Boogie Man didn’t have a lot of our victim left.
Option wise, this crime scene was middle of the road with creature comforts, which we don’t mind. Such as the bench seat, manual windows and locks are pretty much standard issue. Also absent was the extra cost tilt steering column. The Scrap Metal Boogie Man would not have cared. He could have listened to ominous foreboding music on the optional radio, fortunately-Planter Man got to it before it could be crushed.
The moral of this story is do not watch such movies. Prevent this from happening to 1970 Impalas and anything related or not related to them. And by all means…donate to your local Junkyard Life Imagination (JYI) Foundations! Buy a kid a derelict car and save it from fates such as this together.
Ron Kidd
— Junkyard Life: The Story Beneath the Rust
Editor’s Note: “J.L.I” is a fictional disease Ron made up. We usually scold him and edit such things out, but this time it seems he is on to something. This could be a real thing.
1970 Impala Fun Facts:
- “Gobi” (The name of the paint on our feature car) means “cabbage”. However in this case it probably refers to the desert regions of Northern China and Southern Mongolia.
- 1970 was the last of the fourth generation Chevrolet Impala.
- The 427 engine was no longer optional and was replaced by the 454.
- Right hand drive Impalas were actually manufactured in Canada. Hello? Canada? Steering wheel in the wrong place! They were actually sent to New Zealand and The United Kingdom.
- The new vertical taillights in the 1970 models were a big hit.
- In 1970, a savvy buyer could order a big block, four door with a 4-speed, though debatable among collectors if such a car exist.
- Not only did the 454 engine make its debut in 1970, but also a weird new torque motor came on the option list….the small block 400.
- 1970 was the first model in two years that did not offer a “Hide-Away Headlight” option as in 1968 and 1969. Buyers were a little disappointed. We think it would have looked awesome.
Send us details and we’re on the way!
Send emails to Jody Potter at junkyardbull@gmail.com
and Ron Kidd at kidd403.rk@gmail.com
1 comment:
My parents had a 1969 Impala. What intrigued me was the small pods below the steering wheel and how some would lite up and some were always dark. Upon closer inspection I could see the colored foil on some, others were completely black. Only recently did I check out a 1969 owners manual and they gave the information I had been longing for since 1969! What made me think of this is the photo of the interior in this car. It looks similar to our 1969. Maybe the exterior was changed, but not so the interior or dash?
Post a Comment